List of Artifacts in South Park: The Fractured But Whole

Spoiler Warning!

This article or plot contains spoilers from the actual game. If you do not wish to be spoiled, do not read it.

This is a list of Artifacts available in South Park: The Fractured But Whole, and how to obtain them.

Minor Artifacts[]

Minor Artifacts are the first ones available in game, apart from raising the team's stats, they can offer many bonuses to further develop the teams strength. The team bonuses is limited to Ultimate Recovery, Knockback Combo, and Status Effect. The Minor Artifacts are divided into two kinds, Collectible and Crafted.

Note: Missable Artifacts are highlighted in bold.

Collectible Artifacts[]

Collectible Artifacts are Artifacts that can be collected in the game, they have very specific might and buffs. The method to obtain them varies, including succeeding in combat, given through plot, or simply purchased at the store. Note that some stores provides unique artifacts that cannot be bought anywhere else.

Name	Might	Buffs	Conditions
Junior Coon Friend Gyro	15	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +11	Obtained from the mission Birth of a Coon Friend.
Wasteland Velocitor	15	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +11, Knockback Combo +26%, Ultimate Recovery +4%	Loot from the bag hidden in a snow pile located next to Bebe's House.
Armageddon Leaf	20	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +15	Defeat the Sixth Graders in the mission Rise of the Fourthies.
Pride of Nippopolis	25	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +18, Knockback Combo +105%	Bring down the item down to the floor inside the master bedroom of Kyle's House with Snap N Pops, then loot it.
Anarchic Receptor	25	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +18, Status Effect +10%, Ultimate Recovery +8%	Randomly dropped by Chaos Kids after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 1 in-game.
Chromatic Corruptor	25	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +18, Knockback Combo +44%, Ultimate Recovery +8%	Randomly dropped by Raisins Girls after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 1 in-game.
Repulsor Vial	25	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +18, Knockback Combo +44%, Ultimate Recovery +8%	Randomly dropped by Sixth Graders after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 1 in-game.
Compendium of Chests	25	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +18, Ultimate Recovery +14%	Loot it from one of the drawers of the mayor's office inside South Park City Hall.
Vitality Chalice	25	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +18, Ultimate Recovery +15%	Defeat the Raisins Girls in the mission Mosquito in a Honey Pot.
Terrorizing Blade	30	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +22, Knockback Combo +52%, Ultimate Recovery +9%	Defeat Mr. Daniels in the mission Operation: Just 'Cause.
Hate Forge	30	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +22, Status Effect +12%, Knockback Combo +52%	Defeat the rednecks in the mission The Talk.
Purity Bond	31	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +23, Status Effect +12%, Ultimate Recovery +9%	Defeat the priests in the mission A Touch of Faith.
Amulet of Contemplation	33	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +24, Status Effect +20%	Loot from the chest located inside the passcode protected storage room inside South Park Church.
Precarious Penetrator	35	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +26, Status Effect +18%	Open the bathtub pipe with Snap N Pops inside the bathroom of Big Gay Al's House, then drop the plunger into the bathtub. Collect it once it has floated above the water inside the bathtub.
Sonic Fecalizer	35	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +26, Knockback Combo +35%, Ultimate Recovery +3%	Purchase it from any General Vendor store.
Flask of Orgasmic Power	35	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +26, Status Effect +8%, Ultimate Recovery +9%	Purchase it from any Food Vendor store.
Mouth of Malice	35	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +26, Ultimate Recovery +24%	Purchase it from Photo Dojo. Note: This artifact is solely available inside Photo Dojo and it cannot be purchased anywhere else.
Vessel of Bacchus	40	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +30, Status Effect +8%, Knockback Combo +35%	Defeat Beer Drunk Randy in the mission A Randy Mystery.
Bedazzling Orb	40	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +30, Knockback Combo +35%, Ultimate Recovery +8%	Loot it from the chest located near the entrance of the management office inside Peppermint Hippo.
Reaming Rod of Gargantua	40	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +30, Status Effect +6%, Knockback Combo +26%	Purchase it from the bar inside Peppermint Hippo. Note: This artifact is solely available inside Peppermint Hippo and it cannot be purchased anywhere else.
Alien Probe Mk. II	40	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +30, Status Effect +20%	Obtained from the DLC Relics of Zaron.
Wreath of Elf Ears	40	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +30, Ultimate Recovery +15%	Obtained from the DLC Relics of Zaron.
Hoops of Wonder	42	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +31, Status Effect +8%, Knockback Combo +26%	Randomly dropped by Raisins Girls after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 2 in-game.
Ego Blaster	44	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +33, Knockback Combo +37%, Ultimate Recovery +4%	Randomly dropped by Sixth Graders after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 2 in-game.
Probability Scrambler	44	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +33, Status Effect +6%, Ultimate Recovery +6%	Randomly dropped by Chaos Kids after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Night 2 in-game.
Dreidel of Vengeance	45	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +4, Health +33, Knockback Combo +35%, Ultimate Recovery +6%	Defeat Kyle's mom and Human Kite 2 in the mission Alternate Universes Collide Again.
Banner of Exile	50	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +5, Health +37, Ultimate Recovery +8%	Defeat the guard and his backups in the mission Operation: Blind Justice.
Shield of the Shining Eagle	54	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +5, Health +40, Knockback Combo +44%, Ultimate Recovery +3%	Complete the missions Operation: Just 'Cause and Operation: Blind Justice.
Mischievous Rhombus	56	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +5, Health +42, Knockback Combo +26%, Ultimate Recovery +4%	Randomly dropped by Raisins Girls after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 3 in-game.
Molting Sack	57	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +5, Health +42, Knockback Combo +44%, Status Effect Damage +2%	Randomly dropped by Crab People after defeating them in battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 3 in-game. Complete (You Can) Call on Me and find them on Stark's Pond North.
Sanity Siphon	60	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45	Defeat the bums of SoDoSoPa in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos.
Continuum Enforcer	60	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Knockback Combo +42%, Ultimate Recovery +2%	Enter the warehouse next to where the shining mask is seen on the floor inside U-Stor-It. Inside the warehouse, destroy the large clock by exploding the fireworks box situated next to it, then drag the ladder all the way to the left. Climb it up and loot it from the bag at the very left in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos.
Diabolic Inscription	60	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Status Effect +2%, Knockback Combo +42%	Defeat General Disarray in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos.
Trinity of Reflection	60	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Status Effect +2%, Ultimate Recovery +7%	Inside a warehouse which contains a moat of electrified water in U-Stor-It. Activate Timefart Pause and loot it from a bag across the moat in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos.
Agonizer of Gaia	60	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Status Effect +10%, Knockback Combo +10%	Defeat the batch of Chaos minions fortified with baseball launcher turrets in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos.
Cybernaut	60	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Ultimate Recovery +10%	Purchase with arcade tickets inside the video arcade of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita.
Uncanny Idol	60	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Knockback Combo +70%	Purchase with arcade tickets inside the video arcade of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita.
Bag of Retching	60	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Status Effect +20%	Purchase with arcade tickets inside the video arcade of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita.
Cosmic Enigma	65	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +48, Status Effect +10%	Loot it from the bag located in Kenny's Garage. Note: You will need Kenny's Garage Key to gain access looting it.
Capricious Cube	65	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +48, Status Effect +2%, Ultimate Recovery +8%	Randomly dropped by Chaos Kids after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available after completing the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos, also it will be only available on Day 3 in-game.
Wicked Wobbler	66	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +49, Knockback Combo +9%, Status Effect +10%	Randomly dropped by Gentrified Bums after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 3 in-game.
Fan of Contractual Protection	67	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +50, Knockback Combo +26%, Ultimate Recovery +4%	Randomly dropped by Ninjas after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 3 in-game.
Chains of the Huffy	68	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Status Effect +2%, Ultimate Recovery +3%	Randomly dropped by Sixth Graders after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 3 in-game.
Oculus Grifter	69	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Knockback Combo +35%, Ultimate Recovery +3%	Randomly dropped by Crooked Cops after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 3 in-game.
Goblet of Supreme Crunk	70	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +52, Status Effect +8%, Ultimate Recovery +2%	Defeat the pimp and his two hoes in the mission The Big Beatdown.
Shat-o-Caster	70	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +52, Knockback Combo +9%, Ultimate Recovery +8%	Purchase it from D-Mobile. Note: This artifact is only available after completing the mission (You Can) Call on Me, also it cannot be purchased anywhere else other than D-Mobile.
Emblem of Brutality	70	Brawn +9, Brains +7, Spunk +7, Health +63, Knockback Combo +52%	Purchase it from the vending machine in the break room of the Park County Police station starting from when you play The Thin White Line and onwards. You can additionally purchase it from the vending machine basement area before fighting Shub Niggurath and which you'll be unable to access once The Thin White Line is completed.
Scroll of 1000 Winds	72	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Knockback Combo +18%, Ultimate Recovery +6%	Defeat the Ninjas in the mission The Invitation. Note: This artifact cannot be obtained anywhere else if you decide to pay off to Mr. Kim during the selection cut scene in the mission.
Seal of Freedom	72	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Status Effect +4%, Ultimate Recovery +8%	Complete the mission The Samaritan Agenda.
Horns of the Deplorable	72	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Status Effect +7%, Knockback Combo +32%	Defeat the rednecks in the mission Always Bet on Chaos.
Idol of Inappropriate Touching	75	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Status Effect +10%, Ultimate Recovery +8%	Complete the mission Scavenger Hunt: The Headshot Job.
Hyper Glass	80	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Status Effect +5%, Ultimate Recovery +4%	Defeat the crooked cops at the holding cells area of Park County Police station in the mission The Thin White Line.
Infectious Encryptor	80	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Status Effect +10%, Knockback Combo +26%	Loot from the bag inside the holding cell with the faulty door in the mission The Thin White Line. Note: You will need the Timefart Pause ability to gain access looting it.
Song of the Drunk Knight	80	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Knockback Combo +26%, Ultimate Recovery +8%	Loot from a bag inside the evidence room at Park County Police station in the mission The Thin White Line. Note: The evidence room has to be accessed by a vent on the wall after leaving the holding cells area as the main door will be locked.
Necrotic Scroll	83	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +62, Status Effect +12%	Randomly dropped by Gentrified Bums after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available from Day 4 onward in-game.
Insidious Agenda	84	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +63, Knockback Combo +9%, Ultimate Recovery +8%	Randomly dropped by Raisins Girls after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available from Day 4 onward in-game.
Butterfly Effector	86	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +64, Status Effect +6%, Knockback Combo +26%	Randomly dropped by Chaos Kids after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available from Day 4 onward in-game.
Pussy of Fortune	87	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +65, Status Effect +6%, Ultimate Recovery +4%	Randomly dropped by Ninjas after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available from Day 4 onward in-game.
Ebony Reaper	88	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +66, Knockback Combo +26%, Ultimate Recovery +4%	Randomly dropped by Crooked Cops after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact only can be obtained if The New Kid is created as a black person.
CryptoCon	89	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +67, Status Effect +2%, Knockback Combo +44%	Randomly dropped by Sixth Graders after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available on Day 4 onward in-game.
Crustacean Modulator	90	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Knockback Combo +35%, Ultimate Recovery +3%	Randomly dropped by Crab People after defeating them in a battle. Note: This artifact is only available from Day 4 onward in-game.
Necronomicon	90	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Status Effect +10%, Ultimate Recovery +2%	Defeat Shub-Niggurath in the mission The Thin White Line.
Ebony Volumizer	95	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Knockback Combo +70%, Ultimate Recovery +6%	Obtained from Morgan Freeman on Day 3 in-game. Note: This artifact only can be obtained if The New Kid is created as a black person.
Chromatic Charm	95	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Status Effect 8%, Ultimate Recovery +12%	Obtained from Call Girl in the mission (You Can) Call on Me. Note: This artifact only can be obtained if The New Kid is created as a female gendered person.
Heavy Hand of Deception	95	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Knockback Combo +18%, Ultimate Recovery +6%	Defeat Mitch Conner in the mission To Catch a Coon.
SphincterPlex	95	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Status Effect +6%, Knockback Combo +26%	Defeat the first batch of mutated Sixth Graders in the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto.
Festive Verse	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Knockback Combo +18%, Ultimate Recovery +6%	Defeat the Woodland Critters in the mission Farts of Future Past.
Elven Relic	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Knockback Combo +35%, Ultimate Recovery +12%	Defeat King Douchebag in the mission Farts of Future Past.

Crafted Artifacts[]

Crafted Artifacts are the ones that are obtained through the Crafting app on the phone, you can have as many as you want if you have the recipe and adequate ingredients. Different from the collected ones, they can "level up" as The New Kid's crafting skills develop. Most of them have 5 levels, the highest would be "+4", as they "level up", their might changes, but their buffs do not.

Name	Might	Crafting Level	Buffs	Conditions
Hidden Blade	10	1	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +7, Ultimate Recovery +15%	Obtained from the "Assassin Pack" reward from Ubisoft Club.
Hidden Blade +1	60	7	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +5, Health +45, Ultimate Recovery +15%
Hidden Blade +2	80	11	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Ultimate Recovery +15%
Hidden Blade +3	100	17	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Ultimate Recovery +15%
Tachyon Matrix	10	1	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +7, Knockback Combo +88%	Obtained from the "Gadget-Lover Pack" reward from Ubisoft Club.
Tachyon Matrix +1	60	7	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +5, Health +45, Knockback Combo +88%
Tachyon Matrix +2	80	11	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Knockback Combo +88%
Tachyon Matrix +3	100	17	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Knockback Combo +88%
Crystal Capacitor	10	1	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +7, Ultimate Recovery +15%
Crystal Capacitor +1	60	7	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +5, Health +45, Ultimate Recovery +15%
Crystal Capacitor +2	80	11	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Ultimate Recovery +15%
Crystal Capacitor +3	100	17	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Ultimate Recovery +15%
Kinetic Sigil	20	1	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +15, Knockback Combo +61%	Craft from the recipe given by Morgan Freeman.
Kinetic Sigil +1	22	2	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +17, Knockback Combo +61%
Kinetic Sigil +2	24	3	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +19, Knockback Combo +61%
Kinetic Sigil +3	26	4	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +21, Knockback Combo +61%
Kinetic Sigil +4	28	5	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +23, Knockback Combo +61%
Virtuous Clockwork	20	1	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +15, Status Effect +14%	Craft from the recipe given by Morgan Freeman.
Virtuous Clockwork +1	22	2	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +17, Status Effect +14%
Virtuous Clockwork +2	24	3	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +19, Status Effect +14%
Virtuous Clockwork +3	26	4	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +21, Status Effect +14%
Virtuous Clockwork +4	28	5	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +23, Status Effect +14%
Tome of Cunning	20	1	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +15, Ultimate Recovery +10%	Craft from the recipe purchased from the Coon Store.
Tome of Cunning +1	22	2	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +17, Ultimate Recovery +10%
Tome of Cunning +2	24	3	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +19, Ultimate Recovery +10%
Tome of Cunning +3	26	4	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +21, Ultimate Recovery +10%
Tome of Cunning +4	28	5	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +23, Ultimate Recovery +10%
Idol of Vitality	30	2	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +22, Ultimate Recovery +12%	Craft from the recipe purchased from the Coon Store.
Idol of Vitality +1	32	4	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +24, Ultimate Recovery +12%
Idol of Vitality +2	34	6	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +26, Ultimate Recovery +12%
Idol of Vitality +3	37	7	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +28, Ultimate Recovery +12%
Idol of Vitality +4	40	8	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +30, Ultimate Recovery +12%
Divine Amplifier	30	2	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +22, Status Effect +14%	Craft from the recipe found in a bag hidden behind a snow pile by the left side of Craig's House.
Divine Amplifier +1	32	4	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +24, Status Effect +14%
Divine Amplifier +2	34	6	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +26, Status Effect +14%
Divine Amplifier +3	37	7	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +28, Status Effect +14%
Divine Amplifier +4	40	8	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +30, Status Effect +14%
Girding Chains	30	2	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +22, Knockback Combo +70%	Craft from the recipe found in a bag located near South Park Town Square.
Girding Chains +1	32	4	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +24, Knockback Combo +70%
Girding Chains +2	34	6	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +26, Knockback Combo +70%
Girding Chains +3	38	7	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +28, Knockback Combo +70%
Girding Chains +4	40	8	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +30, Knockback Combo +70%
Scarab of R'Lyeh	42	5	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +31, Ultimate Recovery +12%	Craft from the recipe obtained after defeating the Raisins Girls in the alley during the mission Medicinal Fried Fiasco.
Scarab of R'Lyeh +1	45	9	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +34, Ultimate Recovery +12%
Scarab of R'Lyeh +2	50	10	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +37, Ultimate Recovery +12%
Scarab of R'Lyeh +3	54	11	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +40, Ultimate Recovery +12%
Scarab of R'Lyeh +4	58	12	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +43, Ultimate Recovery +12%
Abyssal Timepiece	42	5	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +31, Status Effect +12%	Craft from the recipe obtained after looting from a chest inside a warehouse in U-Stor-It during the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos.
Abyssal Timepiece +1	45	9	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +34, Status Effect +12%
Abyssal Timepiece +2	50	10	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +37, Status Effect +12%
Abyssal Timepiece +3	54	11	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +40, Status Effect +12%
Abyssal Timepiece +4	58	12	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +43, Status Effect +12%
Skull of Sundering	42	5	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +3, Health +31, Knockback Combo +52%	Craft from the recipe purchased from the Coon Store.
Skull of Sundering +1	45	9	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +34, Knockback Combo +52%
Skull of Sundering +2	50	10	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +37, Knockback Combo +52%
Skull of Sundering +3	54	11	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +40, Knockback Combo +52%
Skull of Sundering +4	58	12	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +2, Health +43, Knockback Combo +52%
Prismatic Eye	60	9	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Status Effect +10%	Craft from the recipe obtained from a pouch blasted out of the bathtub with Sandblaster at the upper floor of Main Street Offices.
Prismatic Eye +1	65	13	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +48, Status Effect +10%
Prismatic Eye +2	70	14	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Status Effect +10%
Prismatic Eye +3	75	15	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Status Effect +10%
Prismatic Eye +4	80	16	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Status Effect +10%
Necro Clamps	60	9	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Ultimate Recovery +8%	Craft from the recipe obtained from a chest inside the garage of Kenny's House.
Necro Clamps +1	65	13	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +48, Ultimate Recovery +8%
Necro Clamps +2	70	14	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Ultimate Recovery +8%
Necro Clamps +3	75	15	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Ultimate Recovery +8%
Necro Clamps +4	80	16	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Ultimate Recovery +8%
Infernal Glyphs	60	9	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Knockback Combo +44%	Craft from the recipe obtained from a bag located on a truck where a bunch of Chaos Kids can be seen guarding it inside U-Stor-It during the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos.
Infernal Glyphs +1	65	13	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +48, Knockback Combo +44%
Infernal Glyphs +2	70	14	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Knockback Combo +44%
Infernal Glyphs +3	75	15	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Knockback Combo +44%
Infernal Glyphs +4	80	16	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Knockback Combo +44%
Spire of Domination	80	13	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Status Effect +10%	Craft from the recipe obtained from defeating Mitch Conner in the mission To Catch a Coon.
Spire of Domination +1	85	17	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +64, Status Effect +10%
Spire of Domination +2	90	18	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Status Effect +10%
Spire of Domination +3	95	19	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Status Effect +10%
Spire of Domination +4	100	20	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +75, Status Effect +10%

Major Artifacts[]

Major Artifacts are available later in game, usually at the last of day 1. Like Minor Artifacts, apart from raising the team's stats, they can offer many bonuses to further develop the teams strength. The team bonuses is limited to Bonus Ally Health, Health Recovery, and Critical Strike. Major Artifacts are divided into two kinds, Collectible and Crafted.

Note: Missable Artifacts are highlighted in bold.

Collectible Artifacts[]

Similar to Minor Artifacts, some Major Artifacts are obtained by collecting them in the game, they have very specific might and buffs. The method to obtain them varies, including succeeding in combat, given through plot, or simply purchased at the store.

Name	Might	Buffs	Conditions
Platinum Coon Friend Gyro	10	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +7	Obtained when the first Major Artifact slot is unlocked after increasing The New Kid's Hero Rank.
Nether Talisman	60	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Bonus Ally Health +18%	Defeat Red Wine Drunk Randy in the mission The Bowels of the Beast.
Urn of Deception	66	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +49, Health Recovery +7%, Bonus Ally Health +9%	Loot from the storage room located at the far right end of the backstage area inside Peppermint Hippo.
Effigy of the Moon	66	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +49, Critical Strike +8%, Health Recovery +7%	Loot from the chest located above Photo Dojo. Note: You will need the Fartkour ability to gain access looting it.
NeoConomicon	68	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Critical Strike +4%, Bonus Ally Health +15%	Loot from the chest located on the upper floor inside South Park Elementary. Note: You will need the Fartkour ability to gain access looting it.
Gourd of Hipstering	68	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Critical Strike +3%, Health Recovery +10%	Loot from the chest located above Steed at Kenny's House. Note: You will need the Fartkour ability to gain access looting it.
Harvester of Fognl	69	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Critical Strike +10%, Health Recovery +10%	Break the satellite dish located above the construction office at South Park Mall, then loot it. Note: You will need the Diabetic Rage ability to gain access looting it.
Aural Disruptor	70	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Critical Strike +10%, Health Recovery +3%	Purchase it from the vending machines located inside U-Stor-It during the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos.
Metabolic Furnace	70	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Critical Strike +2%, Bonus Ally Health +12%	Purchase it from any Food Vendor store. Note: This artifact will be only available for sale starting from Day 2 in-game.
Magnum Dynamo	70	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Critical Strike +6%, Health Recovery +2%	Purchase it from any General Vendor store. Note: This artifact will be only available for sale starting from Day 2 in-game.
Flute of Prophecy	70	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +52, Critical Strike +9%, Bonus Ally Health +15%	Break the cracks on the bottom right corner inside the garage of Craig's House by exploding the propane tank stored inside it, then loot it from the opening. Note: You will need the Diabetic Rage ability to gain access looting it.
Fuse of High Tolerance	72	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Health Recovery +4%, Bonus Ally Health +18%	Break the "BEER" neon sign inside the living room of Kenny's House with Snap N Pops, then loot it once it has dropped on the floor.
Astral Thumper	82	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +61, Critical Strike +8%, Bonus Ally Health +24%	Inside the Freedom Pals base, drag the toy car out from its parking spot located next to the Training Room, then loot it from the floor.
Luminous Enigma	83	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +62, Health Recovery +7%, Bonus Ally Health +23%	Loot it from the bag located inside the garage of Jimmy's House. Note: You will need the Sandblaster ability to gain access looting it.
Ring of Engorgement	84	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +62, Critical Strike +10%, Bonus Ally Health +21%	Loot it from the safe inside the master bedroom of Butter's House. Note: You will need the Haywire ability to gain access looting it.
Gentrifying Text	85	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +63, Health Recovery +11%, Bonus Ally Health +12%	Loot it from the bag located on the first level floor at the SoDoSoPa ruins behind Kenny's House. Note: You will need the Fartkour ability to gain access looting it.
Scuzzlebutt Paw	90	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Critical Strike +15%	Purchase it from Jimbo's Guns. Note: This artifact is solely available inside Jimbo's Guns and it cannot be purchased anywhere else.
Shard of the Beast	92	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +69, Critical Strike +12%, Bonus Ally Health +15%	Break the purple marble Peppermint Hippo statue inside the management office of the Peppermint Hippo, then collect it on the floor. Note: You will need the Haywire ability to gain access looting it.
Gluten Necrometer	92	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +69, Health Recovery +10%, Bonus Ally Health +5%	Purchase it from any Food Vendor store. Note: This artifact will be only available for sale starting from Day 3 in-game.
Pup o' War	92	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +69, Critical Strike +10%, Bonus Ally Health +5%	Purchase it from any General Vendor store. Note: This artifact will be only available for sale starting from Day 3 in-game.
Crack'd Beholder	95	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Critical Strike +9%, Health Recovery +9%	Blast into the pipe located next to a bathtub at the upper floor of Main Street Offices (where Mrs. Testaburger is located), then loot it from a pouch which will later drop on the floor. Note: You will need the Sandblaster ability to gain access looting it.
Pedo Saber	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Critical Strike +3%, Health Recovery +12%	Purchase it from any Food Vendor store. Note: This artifact will be only available for sale starting from Day 4 in-game.
Okama Dreambox	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Critical Strike +12%, Bonus Ally Health +6%	Purchase it from any General Vendor store. Note: This artifact will be only available for sale starting from Day 4 in-game.
Energizing Codex	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Health Recovery +13%, Bonus Ally Health +15%	Defeat Doctor Timothy in the mission The Thin White Line.
Plasma Analizer	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Critical Strike +12%, Bonus Ally Health +18%	Loot from the bag by the side corridor, inside the lab area where Jasper the mutated ape Sixth Grader is seen caged in a room during the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto.
Sentient Cyst	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Health Recovery +15%, Bonus Ally Health +6%	Defeat Mutant Human Kite 2 in the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto.

Crafted Artifacts[]

Similar to Minor Artifacts, there are some Major Artifacts which only can be obtained through the Crafting app on the phone, you can have as many as you want if you have the recipe and adequate ingredients.


Name	Might	Level	Buffs	Conditions
Cosmic Clasps	60	5	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Critical Strike +12%	Craft from the recipe found in a bag located near Stark Pond's South.
Cosmic Clasps +1	63	9	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +47, Critical Strike +12%
Cosmic Clasps +2	66	10	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +49, Critical Strike +12%
Cosmic Clasps +3	69	11	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Critical Strike +12%
Cosmic Clasps +4	72	12	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Critical Strike +12%
Optic Penetrator	60	5	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Health Recovery +12%	Craft from the recipe found in a bag located near South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch.
Optic Penetrator +1	63	9	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +47, Health Recovery +12%
Optic Penetrator +2	66	10	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +49, Health Recovery +12%
Optic Penetrator +3	69	11	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Health Recovery +12%
Optic Penetrator +4	72	12	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Health Recovery +12%
Masteroid	60	5	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +45, Bonus Ally Health +24%	Craft from the recipe purchased from the Coon Store.
Masteroid +1	63	9	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +47, Bonus Ally Health +24%
Masteroid +2	66	10	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +49, Bonus Ally Health +24%
Masteroid +3	69	11	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +6, Health +51, Bonus Ally Health +24%
Masteroid +4	72	12	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +54, Bonus Ally Health +24%
Berserker Wheel	75	9	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Critical Strike +14%	Craft from the recipe obtained after defeating Professor Chaos in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos, or purchased from the Coon Store.
Berserker Wheel +1	80	11	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Critical Strike +14%
Berserker Wheel +2	85	12	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +64, Critical Strike +14%
Berserker Wheel +3	90	13	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Critical Strike +14%
Berserker Wheel +4	95	14	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Critical Strike +14%
Elder Maw	75	9	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Bonus Ally Health +27%	Craft from the recipe obtained after escaping the senior citizens in the mission The Samaritan Agenda, or purchased from the Coon Store.
Elder Maw +1	80	11	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Bonus Ally Health +27%
Elder Maw +2	85	12	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +64, Bonus Ally Health +27%
Elder Maw +3	90	13	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Bonus Ally Health +27%
Elder Maw +4	95	14	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Bonus Ally Health +27%
Oracle of the Deviant	75	9	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +7, Health +56, Health Recovery +13%	Craft from the recipe obtained after defeating the rednecks in the mission Always Bet on Chaos, or purchased from the Coon Store.
Oracle of the Deviant +1	80	11	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +60, Health Recovery +13%
Oracle of the Deviant +2	85	12	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +8, Health +64, Health Recovery +13%
Oracle of the Deviant +3	90	13	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +67, Health Recovery +13%
Oracle of the Deviant +4	95	14	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +9, Health +71, Health Recovery +13%
Nuclear Vessel	100	I forgot	19% Critical Strike, +10 Brawn, +15 Brains, +10 Spunk, +52 Health	Craft from the recipe found in Kevin Stoley's room. All parts are in his house.
Tantalum Accelerator	100	13	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Critical Strike +14%	Craft from the recipe obtained from a bag just outside of the holding cells by the second floor of the police station in the mission The Thin White Line.
Tantalum Accelerator +1	105	17	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Critical Strike +14%
Tantalum Accelerator +2	105	18	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Critical Strike +14%
Tantalum Accelerator +3	105	19	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Critical Strike +14%
Tantalum Accelerator +4	105	20	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Critical Strike +14%
Annihilation Overthruster	100	13	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Health Recovery +13%	Craft from the recipe obtained from a tool chest between the second and third floor stairway of the police station in the mission The Thin White Line.
Annihilation Overthruster +1	105	17	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Health Recovery +13%
Annihilation Overthruster +2	105	18	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Health Recovery +13%
Annihilation Overthruster +3	105	19	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Health Recovery +13%
Annihilation Overthruster +4	105	20	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Health Recovery +13%
Dazzling Dervish	100	13	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Bonus Ally Health +29%	Craft from the recipe obtained from a bag behind two lab canisters in the wrecked lab room, where a mutant Sixth Grader can be seen killing a research personnel in the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto.
Dazzling Dervish +1	105	17	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Bonus Ally Health +29%
Dazzling Dervish +2	105	18	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Bonus Ally Health +29%
Dazzling Dervish +3	105	19	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Bonus Ally Health +29%
Dazzling Dervish +4	105	20	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +80, Bonus Ally Health +29%

Epic Artifacts[]

Epic Artifacts are the most special ones among Artifacts, they cannot be crafted with usual components or purchased with cash, apart from raising the team's stats, they can offer many buffs, these buffs vary, and the way to use it varies as well.

Most Epic Artifacts has a set might of 100 (with the exception of Supreme Fist of Chaos) and they only can be collected, however the DLC Bring the Crunch introduces two exclusive Epic Artifacts: one that is obtained by crafting, and another which has a Might level that can be raised in accordance to the badges obtained from the DLC's side missions.

Note: Missable Artifacts are highlighted in bold.

Collectible Artifacts[]

Name	Might	Buffs	Conditions
Coon Commando Gyro	10	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +1, Health +7	Obtained when the first Epic Artifact slot is unlocked after increasing The New Kid's Hero Rank.
Vainglorious Scepter	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Team members gain health equivalent to number of followers in Coonstagram	Rewarded when the title Master Influencer is achieved in the Character Sheet.
Chamber of Ultimate Inflation	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, All Ultimate powers are 25% more effective	Loot from the safe inside the management office of the Peppermint Hippo. Note: You will need the Haywire ability to gain access looting it.
Jar of Life	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +90, Regenerate 10% amount of max health each turn	Loot from the fridge inside Kenny's House. Note: You will need the Haywire ability to gain access looting it.
Golden Taco	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Equip Freckles makeup and gain 10% power effectiveness	Defeat Morgan Freeman inside Freeman's Tacos.
Tumbler of Erupting Youth	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Healing items provide 100% more Health	Defeat Jared in the mission The Thin White Line.
Cloven Heirloom	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Missed Critical Attacks has a 50% chance of succeeding	Defeat the second batch of mutated Sixth Graders in the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto.
Fanatic Visage	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Gain 1 Move	Complete the mission Scavenger Hunt: The Headshot Job.
Big Bang Boy Buttress	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Super Craig and Wonder Tweek's powers are 10% more effective	Complete the mission Scavenger Hunt: The Yaoi Project.
Triumph of the Heart	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Team member in the first Allies slot gains 1 Move	Complete the mission Therapy Wars.
Danger Gyro	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Inflicts Bleeding on the enemy in a successful Critical Strike	Complete the Ultra challenge set for the reward in the DLC Danger Deck.
Amaze Ball	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Heal 25% of the power value when using a Health item on a team member	Complete the Ultra challenge set for the reward in the DLC Danger Deck.
Avenging Nezumi	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, When attacked, successfully pressing the prompt button inflicts Defense Down on the enemy	Complete the Ultra challenge set for the reward in the DLC Danger Deck.
Skull of Sick Burning	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, When attacked, successfully pressing the prompt button inflicts Burning on the enemy	Loot it from the chest located inside the treasure area of Black Bart's Cave in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita.
Goblet of Po'Zur	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Team members receive Health equal to Bleeding damage on enemies	Crack open the bat-shaped pinata inside the VIP room of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita.
Resonator of Souls	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Team members' Spunk attribute increased by 25%	At the area behind the man-made cliff inside Casa Bonita, head to the top floor where there will be a wooden beam supported by construction tape. Activate Timefart Pause, then throw Snap N Pops onto both ends of the beam. Collect it from the guitar case once the beam has fallen flat on the floor below in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita.
Gatekeeper of R'lyeh	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Knocked out team member gains Protection equal to 25% of team member's health and Attack Up when revived	Purchase with arcade tickets inside the video arcade of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita.
Time Reamer	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Timefart Pause punches deals 100% more damage	Purchase with arcade tickets inside the video arcade of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita.
Lightning Rod	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Enemies taking Shock damage from adjacent enemies is affected with the Shock status effect	Purchase with arcade tickets inside the video arcade of Casa Bonita in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita.
Gore Sack	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, When an enemy dies, adjacent enemies become Grossed Out	Loot it from the backpack at the right of the tents on the Indian burial grounds in the DLC Bring the Crunch.
Shark Mating Whistle	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Summons are 25% more effective	Catch the Tardicaca Freshwater Shark for the first time from the dynamite fishing mini-game in the DLC Bring the Crunch.
Trailblazing Totem	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Fastpass' Powers are 30% more effective	Complete the side mission Native Heritage in the DLC Bring the Crunch.
Supreme Fist of Chaos	101	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Gain 101 Might	Defeat Professor Chaos in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos.

Peculiar Artifacts[]

Name	Might	Buffs	Conditions
Dream Catcher	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, All Allies receives 40% less damage from Status Effects	Craft from the recipe found on the second rightmost tent on the Indian burial grounds in the DLC Bring the Crunch.
Sash of Ultimate Merit +1	100	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +75, Gain 4% Ultimate Meter when your team takes 0 Health damage during an attack	Obtained after earning the first merit badge from the available side missions in the DLC Bring the Crunch,each upgrade requires a new badge.
Sash of Ultimate Merit +2	105	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +10, Health +78, Gain 8% Ultimate Meter when your team takes 0 Health damage during an attack
Sash of Ultimate Merit +3	110	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +11, Health +81, Gain 12% Ultimate Meter when your team takes 0 Health damage during an attack
Sash of Ultimate Merit +4	115	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +11, Health +84, Gain 16% Ultimate Meter when your team takes 0 Health damage during an attack
Sash of Ultimate Merit +5	120	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +12, Health +91, Gain 20% Ultimate Meter when your team takes 0 Health damage during an attack
Sash of Ultimate Merit +6	125	Brawn, Brains, Spunk +12, Health +93, Gain 24% Ultimate Meter when your team takes 0 Health damage during an attack

DNA Strands[]

DNA Strands are the most special in the game, they have only one slot, which means they can only be equipped one at a time. They affect the Stats in a certain percentage, and some of them give a raise to movements. Usually, a rise in some part means a fall in another,

Note: Missable Artifacts are highlighted in bold.

Name	Buffs/Debuffs	Conditions
High Pain Threshold	Health +30%, Brains -25%	Obtained from the mission CLASSIfied.
Inhuman Accuracy	Brains +30%, Health -15%	Obtained from the mission CLASSIfied.
Mutant Strength	Brawn +20%	Obtained from the mission CLASSIfied.
Maximum Jersey	Brawns +20%, Spunk +20%, Health -15%	Defeat Kyle's mom and Human Kite 2 in the mission Alternate Universes Collide Again.
Pheromone Infusion	Spunk +25%	Defeat the Raisins Girls in the mission Medicinal Fried Fiasco.
Mellowed Pain Receptors	Health +15%	Defeat Towelie in the mission Medicinal Fried Fiasco.
Judgemental Rush	Move +1, Health -10%	Defeat the rednecks in the mission The Talk 2: The Gendering.
Adrenal Overload	Brains +40%, Health -30%	Defeat the guard and his backups in the mission Operation: Blind Justice.
Empathy Surge	Brains +25%, Spunk +25%, Health -15%	Defeat the Freedom Pals in the mission Civil War 2: Playtime's Over.
Primal Aggression	Brawn +25%, Brains +25%, Health -15%	Defeat the bums of SoDoSoPa in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos.
The Ginger Sense	Brains +10%, Spunk +30%, Brawn -20%	Defeat General Disarray in the mission The Hundred Hands of Chaos.
Subdermal Mutation	Spunk +30%, Health +30%, Brains -50%	Defeat King Crab and the Crab People in the mission (You Can) Call on Me.
Crack Baby Rage	Brains +50%, Move +1, Health -30%	Loot from the chest located on the upper floor of Main Street Offices (where Mrs. Testaburger is located).
Pimp Strength	Brawn +25%, Brains +25%	Defeat the pimp and his two hoes in the mission The Big Beatdown.
Ungodly Strength	Brawn +25%, Brains +25%, Spunk +25%	Defeat Shub-Niggurath in the mission The Thin White Line.
Gorilla Toughness	Brawn +30%, Health +30%, Spunk -25%	Defeat the first batch of mutated Sixth Graders in the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto.
Homicidal Tendencies	Brawn +25%, Move +1, Health -10%	Loot from the glass cabinet inside the side corridor, inside the lab area where Jasper the mutated ape Sixth Grader is seen caged in a room during the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto.
Raging Hormones	Spunk +40%, Health -15%	Defeat the second batch of mutated Sixth Graders in the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto.
Tactical Genius	Brains +50%, Health -25%	Loot from the glass cabinet inside the room where The New Kid's mother is seen incapacitated during the mission The Many Asses of Dr. Mephesto.
Nanobot Chassis	Brawn +30%, Health +20%, Move +1	Complete the challenge set for the reward in the DLC Danger Deck.
Touch of Youth	Brains +35%, Spunk +35%, Move +1, Brawn -35%, Health -20%	Defeat Corey Haim in the DLC From Dusk till Casa Bonita.
Psychotic Episode	Brawn +50%, Brains -50%, Spunk -50%, Health +40%	Defeat Nathan in the DLC Bring the Crunch.
Alien Evolution	Brawn +40%, Brains +40%, Spunk -20%, Health -15%, Move +1	Defeat the Zarganor in the DLC Bring the Crunch.