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You must find someone who speaks this mysterious language.

The Stick of Truth.jpg Don't gaze at it too long!

This article/section contains plot details about the game. Do not read ahead if you don't want it spoiled!


  • Go to Winnipeg and talk to the Earl.
  • Kill the Dire Bears and tell the Earl.
  • Return to the Prince.
  • Defeat the Bishop of Banff and either kill or spare him.
  • Return to the Prince.
  • Talk to the Duke of Vancouver for help.
  • Learn Nagasaki from Terrance and Phillip.
  • Save the Minister of Montreal from Quebec.
  • Get the records translated.
  • Return to Wendy.


The Prince tells you to go see the Earl of Winnipeg. Go to Winnipeg, which is the next town. Talk to the Earl, who is in the building to the north. He will tell you to kill the Dire Bears that are attacking the citizens of Winnipeg. Head out of the house and go right. You'll see Canadian guards and a dead person. Continue past them to the bear in the upper right corner. Hit it and start the battle. Beware, there are three of them, not one.

After the bears are dead, return to the Earl. He can't read the records either, and tells you to seek out the Minister of Montreal, who has been imprisoned. Return to the Prince and ask him about it. He tells you to kill the Bishop of Banff first. Go to Banff, which is north of Winnipeg. Go to the building to the north and hit the Bishop. The battle starts.

Defeat the Bishop and he asks you to spare him, offering Dire Pig testicles in place of his. Killing him earns you the Dire Sceptor, but you can't friend him or get the "More Popular than John Lenon" achievement. Spare him, and he befriends you and you can buy the sceptor at the Banff store.

Return to the Prince. He refuses to help you anyway. The Princess, however, wants to help. She tells you to find the Duke of Vancouver for help. Go to Vancouver, which is all the way to the west. Talk to the Duke in the building ot the north. He'll tell you to talk to the monks in the south of town for help in saving the Minister. Go to the south and cross the river at the wooden dock. Enter the cabin on the island to find Terrance and Phillip

You must prove yourself to them before they will help. First, use Dragonshout on Phillip, then Cup-a-Spell on Terrance. Finally, move Phillip a little bit with a Sneaky Squeaker. They will then fart on you to knock you out, and you'll wake up in a white room with them, now wearing jackets and sunglasses. They will teach you the final and strongest form of 'magic', Nagasaki. With the strongest spell mastered, head to the Catacombs of Quebec, which is a cave between Ottawa and Winnipeg.

Inside is a rock. Follow the onscreen commands to blast the rock away. A huge group of dire snakes, wolves and bears await you. Fight them, using attacks that hit multiple targets to finish them all off quickly. It is suggested to use Kyle or Cartman as your buddy here, as both have powerful attacks that can hit multiple targets. Speak with the Minister and he will translate for you.

Return to Annie and she will take you to the girls. They are appreciative of your help. Heidi Turner was the two-faced bitch, but is really sorry so they are friends again. The girls agree to help, so return to the Elven Kingdom to tell the guys.


  • Revealed in the unused audio files, the Prince of Canada seen in Ottawa is a fake, and the real Prince can be seen trapped with the Minister.
    • This may also explain the surprised Canadians and royal guards in the trailers.