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Old People are minor characters and enemies in South Park: The Fractured But Whole. They primarily appear in the mission The Samaritan Agenda, hunting down the terrible little performers due to misunderstanding and disgust.


  • Enemy Idle
    • "Has anyone seen my reading glasses?"
    • "When I was your age old people beat me up every day!"
    • "I sure don't understand what you got against a poor old lady's pills."
    • "I knew I should have gone to the little boy's room before we got started."
  • After attacking
    • "Oh yeah! seniors rule!
    • "Oh yeah. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed corporal punishment."
    • "I used to be a nun, bitches!"
    • "Was that hard enough to smack some sense into you?"
  • Enemy Defeated
  • Attacked
    • "That's not good for the old ticker"
    • "Now, it's not nice to hit Gram Gram, Paulie"
    • "I need my pills, bad!"
    • "You better not mess up my bingo hand!"
    • "My pacemaker's gone haywire!"
    • "Oh, I'm definitely giving you socks for Christmas now!"
    • "Nurse! Get ready to call a code blue!"
    • "That's not good for the old ticker."
    • "Dagnabbit!"
    • "Hey, how about some respect for your elders?"
    • "I'm going to write such an angry letter to the paper about you kids."
  • Bleeding
    • "Oh my, I do tend to swoon at the sight of blood.
  • Chilled
    • "I'm in a bad way"
    • "So cold..."
    • "Who messed up that thermostat again?"
    • "I definitely just caught my death out here."
    • "I knew I should've brought my shawl,"
  • Shocked
    • "Oh, Jesus!"
    • "Oh, that smarts!"
    • "Oww, I'm still zapped!"
    • "I think I got lockjaw!"
    • "I'm zapped! Clear out or I might wrinkle your clothes!
    • "Oww, I'm still zapped!"
    • "I've been saying for years that electric lights weren't worth the tradeoff."
  • Burning
    • "Oh, it burns!"
  • Grossed Out
    • "I've got a dicky tummy all of a sudden,"
    • "Oh my, I may need to be excused."
  • Slowed
  • Confused
  • Enraged
  • Defense Down
  • Dialogue
    • With Professor Chaos, enemy idle
      • Old Lady: "Has anyone seen my reading glasses?"
        Professor Chaos: "I'll sure keep an eye out!"
    • With Tupperware, enemy idle
      • Old Lady: "I sure don't understand what you got against a poor old lady's pills."
        Tupperware: "We don't have your damn pills, lady!"
        Old Lady: "I wasn't born yesterday! Look at all those little containers you got."


Ol' Bombers

Ol Bruisers

Ol Blockers


  • The Old People and The Vamp Kids are the only two Kryptonite options that will never hunt The New Kid down across the whole town.
  • The Old People might be extremely angered by The New Kid's dastardly stage performance, but unlike other enemies, they will not act hostile towards The New Kid after the incident. If The New Kid returns to their place afterwards, they will not think of taking revenge against The New Kid, instead they will act friendly towards them (even two of their residents will willingly take selfies with The New Kid, although they can do this before the battle as well).
  • The Old People share their battle theme with The Buca de Faggoncini Cooks, Stephen Stotch and the Therapy Kids.