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Patches are optional, but incredibly useful things that players can add onto armor and weapons to give a variety of effects.

Below is a list of patches, organized by their order in-game. Some patches are missable; it is possible to miss them and never get them back. Such patches are labeled in bold.

Weapon Strap-OnsEdit

Picture Level Name Effect Location
Weaken patch
Weaken
8 Page of Unfinished Homework Reduces target's defenses on Perfect Attack Bought from Mr. Mackey at the Community Center
Armor piercing patch
Armor Piercing
2 Small Needle Attacks ignore up to 5 armor. Washing machine in the basement of Jimmy's House
6 Small Nail Attacks ignore up to 30 armor. Bought from Jason in the Elven Kingdom
7 Chef's Skewer Attacks ignore up to 60 armor. Right kitchen cabinet in South Park Elementary
10 Gnome Pickaxe Head Attacks ignore up to 100 armor. Duffel bag on the left side across a live outlet during Defeat the Underpants Gnomes
12 Dire Bear Claw Keychain Attacks ignore up to 200 armor. Bought from the merchant in Winnipeg, Canada
14 Shard of the Dark Lord's Crown Attacks ignore up to 400 armor. Inside the left chest in Clyde's Fortress, while raising the gate
Damage patchDamage 2 Skull Sticker Adds 5 damage to weapon attacks. Inside a locker in the Police Station Locker Room
6 Demon Sticker Adds 20 damage to weapon attacks. Chest on the Police Station roof. Requires Alien Probe
8 Roll of Quarters Adds 50 damage to weapon attacks. Bought from Jason in the Elven Kingdom
10 Wooden Grip Adds 80 damage to weapon attacks. Chest in the chimney at Token's House. Requires Alien Probe
12 Metal Grip Adds 100 damage to weapon attacks. Behind a log in a secret area of the South Park Bus Stop. Requires Gnome Dust
14 Rubber Grip Adds 250 damage to weapon attacks. Bought from the merchant in Ottawa, Canada
Blocking patch

Blocking

2 Wooden Crossguard Deflect 10% more damage when you block. Drawer on the second floor hallway of Jimmy's House
6 Iron Crossguard Deflect 15% more damage when you block. Bought from Jimbo in Jimbo's Guns
10 Wooden Hilt Deflect 20% more damage when you block.
13 Iron Hilt Deflect 25% more damage when you block.
Fire patch
Fire
3 Lit Match Adds 10 Fire Damage on Perfect Attack. Bought in Kupa Keep
7 Zippo Lighter Adds 25 Fire Damage on Perfect Attack. Loot from one of the sixth graders after defeating them during Nonconformist
9 Small Butane Torch Adds 50 Fire Damage on Perfect Attack. Lunchbox in the Sewers, to the left of Simon
13 Brimstone Adds 100 Fire Damage on Perfect Attack. Loot from Craig after defeating him
Frost patch
Frost
6 Ice Cube Adds 25 Frost Damage on Perfect Attack. Fridge in Kyle's House
8 Moon Rock Adds 50 Frost Damage on Perfect Attack. Backpack outside the Taco Bell headquarters, inside the truck
12 Frozen Maple Syrup Adds 100 Frost Damage on Perfect Attack. Chest in Canada, across the river on the overworld map
Gross patch
Filthy
2 Dead Bird Adds 5 Gross Damage on Perfect Attack. Bought from the Street Merchant outside U-Stor-It
4 Tuft of Ginger Pubic Hair Adds 20 Gross Damage on Perfect Attack. Loot from the ginger in the lobby of South Park Elementary
6 Animal Testicle Adds 30 Gross Damage on Perfect Attack. Reward from Jimbo for defeating the Penis Mouse
8 Zombie Flesh Adds 50 Gross Damage on Perfect Attack. Loot from one of the Nazi Zombie gingers in the basement of South Park Elementary
11 Wad of Liposuction Fat Adds 100 Gross Damage on Perfect Attack. Drawer near the Nazi Zombie Fetuses at Unplanned Parenthood
Multihit patch
Multihit
9 Ninja Sticker Adds 1 extra hit to melee weapons. Chest in the Fourth Grade Classroom, at the left side
Numb patch
Numbing Strike
12 Joy Buzzer Lowers Enemy Attack on Perfect Strike Chest at the bottom-right of Ottawa Castle
Surge patch
Power Gain
3 Sparkly Heart Sticker Gain 1 PP on Perfect Attack. Bottom-left drawer of Jimmy's parents' room (the room involving Princess Kenny)
7 Sparkly Star Sticker Gain 2 PP on Perfect Attack  ???
11 Sparkly Unicorn Sticker Gain 4 PP on Perfect Attack. Reward from Wendy on getting the perfect score of 100000 points in the makeover
Healing patch
Fortitude
12 Fortitude Patch Gain 20% bonus HP after a magic attack. Bought from the merchant in Winnipeg, Canada
Rend patch
Rend
14 Jewpacabra Claw Reduces target's armor by 100 on Perfect Attack Backpack behind the ladder in Clyde's Fortress
Jagged and Sharp patches
Jagged/Sharp
2 Toothpick Adds 1 Bleeding on Perfect Attack. Bought from the Street Merchant outside U-Stor-It
3 Glass Shard Adds 10% damage on Perfect Attack. Loot from one of the gingers in the room unlocked with the Brass Key
5 Shattered Anal Probe Adds 15% damage on Perfect Attack. Chest on the far right of probe maintenance in the Alien Spaceship
7 Drill Bit Adds 2 Bleeding on Perfect Attack. Inside a cabinet in the Fifth Grade Classroom
7 Razor Blade Adds 20% damage on Perfect Attack.  ???
11 Obsidian Shard Adds 30% damage on Perfect Attack. Reward from Jimbo for defeating the Canadian Barking Spider
11 IV Needle

Adds 3 Bleeding on Perfect Attack.

Drawer in the hallway by the Records Room in Unplanned Parenthood
12 Wire Hangar Adds 35% damage on Perfect Attack. Drawer in the abortion room in  Unplanned Parenthood Randy is in
13 Broken Saw Blade Adds 40% damage on Perfect Attack. Under the table of the shop in Clyde's Fortress. Requires Gnome Dust
14 Bayonette Adds 5 Bleeding on Perfect Attack. Bought from the merchant in Clyde's Fortress
Shield smash patch
Shield Smash
2 Small Shield Sticker Attacks remove an additional 1 shields. Inside Jimmy's Garage. Requires the key inside Jimmy's House
7 Large Shield Sticker Attacks remove an additional 3 shields. Bought from Mr. Mackey in the Community Center
12 Broken Shield Sticker Attacks remove an additional 5 shields. Bought from the merchant in Vancouver, Canada
Elecdamage
Shock
3 Lightning Sticker Adds 10 Shock Damage on Perfect Attack. Bought in Kupa Keep
5 Alien Energy Crystal Adds 15 Shock Damage on Perfect Attack. Chest on the bottom level in the Alien Spaceship, right of the console
6 Small Battery Adds 25 Shock Damage on Perfect Attack. Mr Mackey's P.O. box. Requires the key found in his storage unit. Unlocked by starting Wasted Cache
8 Tesla Coil Adds 50 Shock Damage on Perfect Attack. Right cabinet in the meeting room of Taco Bell
13 Lightning Rod Adds 100 Shock Damage on Perfect Attack. Loot from the Cyclops in Clyde's Fortress that attacked Ike
Vampire patch
Drain Life
5 Cult Pamphlet Drain up to 25 HP from bleeding targets. Chest on the left side of the Alien Spaceship hallway, after disabling the alarms
8 Plastic Vampire Teeth Drain up to 50 HP from bleeding targets. Reward from Jimbo for defeating the Bloodsucking Fruit Bat
12 Grave Dirt Drain up to 100 HP from bleeding targets. Behind the faulty garage to the right of Mr. Slave's house. Requires Gnome Dust
14 Hot Topic Catalog Drain up to 250 HP from bleeding targets. Bought from the merchant in Clyde's Fortress

UnknownEdit

Picture Level Name Effect Location
Daze 12 Bottle of Eau de Maple Syrup Target attacks less frequently.
Power Hit 8 5lb. Weight Increases Power Attack damage for melee weapons.

Equipment PatchesEdit

Picture Level Name Effect Location
Gross patch
Ewww...
7 Moldy Patch Deal 10% more Gross damage. Bought in Kupa Keep
12 Fungus Patch Deal 25% more Gross damage. Loot from the Nazi Zombie Bacteria near the phone in Mr. Slave's Ass
Life Drain 4 Ghost Patch Each attack leeches 10 HP from your target. Right cabinet in Father Maxi's room
7 ManBearPig Hoof Each attack leeches 50 HP from your target. Chest in Al Gore's office. Requires the key obtained from defeating him
13 Prenuptial Document Each attack leeches 100 HP from your target. Bought from Red at the Pleases and Sparkles Club
Lonely/Brutish 7 Axe Patch Deal 10% more 2-Handed Weapon damage. Bought in Kupa Keep
7 Mace Patch Deal 10% more 1-Handed Weapon damage. Bought from Jason in the Elven Kingdom
12 Fencing Patch Deal 20% more 1-Handed Weapon damage. Inside the vent in the News Room. Requires Gnome Dust
12 Katana Patch Deal 20% more 2-Handed Weapon damage. Chest behind a small crack in City Sushi. Requires Gnome Dust
Pitcher/Precise 7 Quiver Patch Deal 10% more Bow damage. Bought from Jason in the Elven Kingdom
7 Fingerless Glove Patch Deal 10% more Thrown Weapon damage. Bought from Mr. Mackey in the Community Center
12 Gauntlet Patch Deal 20% more Thrown Weapon damage. Under the bench near Tweek Bros. Coffee. Requires Gnome Dust
12 Crossbow Patch Deal 20% more Bow damage. Red toolbox inside the barn. Requires Gnome Dust and the Barn Key from Magical Songs
Elecdamage
Bzzzt!
7 Circuit Patch Deal 10% more Shock damage. Sunken UFO in Stark's Pond. Requires Alien Probe
12 Jellyfish Deal 25% more Shock damage. Chest near the Crab Person. Requires Nagasaki
Ability Damage 6 Weightlifting Patch Abilities do 10% more damage. Bought from Mr. Mackey in the Community Center
13 Superhero Patch Abilities do 20% more damage. Reward from Wendy after fixing her costume
Armor patch
Armor
1 Suit of Armor Patch Adds 5 armor, reducing enemy attacks. Reward from Jimbo for defeating the Farm Cow
4 Alien Defensive Matrix Adds 7 armor, reducing enemy attacks. Loot from one of the aliens on probe maintenance (the upper level) in the Alien Spaceship
5 Samurai Warrior Patch Adds 10 armor, reducing enemy attacks. Roof of the Police Station. Requires Alien Probe
7 Exoskeleton Patch Adds 15 armor, reducing enemy attacks. Right side of the Crab People cave, before the ladder to Bijou Theater
10 Self Defense Patch Adds 25 armor, reducing enemy attacks. Chest behind a small crack in City Sushi. Requires Gnome Dust
14 Tactical Armor Pad Adds 40 armor, reducing enemy attacks. Loot from one of the SWAT soldiers after defeating them in Mr. Slave's Ass
Battle Rage 13 Berserker Patch Gain Attack Up at the start of combat. Chest near the entrance of Clyde's Fortress
HP Increase patch
Bulky
6 Elvish Loyalty Patch Increases max HP by 5%. Near the tree in the Elven Kingdom
10 Miner's Patch Increases max HP by 10%. Loot from one of the underpants gnomes in your room
13 Brown Badge of Courage Increases max HP by 15%. Inside a bag in Mr. Slave's Stomach
Cautious 13 Turtle Patch Gain Defense Up at the start of combat. Chest in Jimbo's Guns. Requires the key from completing Big Game Huntin' With Jimbo
Fire patch






Fan the Flames

7 Flame Patch Fire Damage increases by 10%. Behind a breakable blackbord in South Park Elementary, to the right of the enemies with the hose
12 Ghost Pepper Fire Damage increases by 25%. Chest after lighting the flashlight inside Mr. Slave's Ass
Frost patch
Winter's Breath
7 Snowball Patch Deal 10% more Frost damage. Inside the air vent in South Park Elementary. Requires Alien Probe
12 Avalanche Awareness Patch Deal 25% more Frost damage. Inside the log to the left of South Park Elementary. Requires Gnome Dust
Full of PP! 7 Daywalker's Patch Max PP increases by 2. Loot from the first few Nazi Zombie Gingers in the basement of South Park Elementary
12 Federation Badge Max PP increases by 3. Kevin Stoley's parents' room. Requires the key found in a hole near Jimmy's house, which requires Gnome Dust
Damage increase patch
Melee Fighter
4 Duelist's Patch Melee attacks inflict 10 more damage. Chest near a barbeque. Requires Dragonshout
8 Pentagram Patch Melee attacks inflict 50 more damage. Loot from the first Nazi Zombie after defeating him in the Taco Bell
11 Iron Skewers Melee attacks inflict 100 more damage. Post Office. Requires Chef's P.O. Box Key found in South Park Elementary
13 Barbarian Patch Melee attacks inflict 200 more damage. Loot from one of the dire animals in Quebec, Canada
Magnet
Magnets
3 Buckyball Magnets Gain 10% additional money. Chest in the Police Station Evidence Room
7 Small Magnet Gain 20% additional money. Chest in Kyle's Garage. Requires the key found inside Kyle's House
Surge patch
Surge
2 Bow and Arrow Patch Gain 1 PP when you deal a ranged attack. Bag in the attic of Jimmy's House
3 Action Hero Badge Gain 2 PP when you kill an opponent. Chest inside Bijou Theater, behind some breakable seats
3 Shard of a Beer Bottle Gain 1 PP when you deal a melee attack. Bought from the Street Merchant outside U-Stor-It
3 Flaming Sword Patch Gain 2 PP when you deal Fire damage. Treasure Chest in the Tower of Peace. Requires the key on the same floor
4 Red Cross Badge Gain 1 PP when healed. Bag on U-Stor-It roof. Requires the Chaos Lair Key found in Butters' House
4 Shit-stained Badge Gain 2 PP when you deal Gross damage. Large case next to Kenny's Garage
6 Snowflake Patch Gain 2 PP when you deal Frost damage. On top of Photo Dojo. Requires Alien Probe
6 Crossed Swords Patch Gain 1 PP when you block an attack. Bought in Kupa Keep
7 Amazon Patch Gain 2 PP when you deal a ranged attack. Inside the house near the barbeque. Requires Alien Probe
7 Boxing Badge Gain 5 PP when you kill an opponent. Loot from the enemy manning the fire hose in South Park Elementary
7 Sword Patch Gain 2 PP when you deal a melee attack. Loot from Stan or Butters after defeating either of them
8 Battery label Gain 1 PP when you deal Shock damage. Inside the South Park Elementary basement, before the stairs
10 Sword and Shield Patch Gain 2 PP when you block an attack. Bought from Jimbo at Jimbo's Guns
10 Don't Tread on Me Patch Gain 1 PP when you take damage. Loot from one of the underpants gnomes on the dresser
10 Burning Skull Patch Gain 5 PP when you deal Fire damage. Crack on right side of the Sewers. Requires Gnome Dust
11 Mr. Yuck Patch Gain 5 PP when you deal Gross damage. Reward from Jimbo for defeating the Mutant Bacteria
12 High Voltage Warning Label Gain 3 PP when you deal Shock damage. Cabinet in the photo studio in Photo Dojo
12 Frozen Skull Patch Gain 5 PP when you deal Frost damage. Loot from one of the dire animals in Quebec, Canada
Constant surge patch
Constant Surge
3 Cheerleader's Patch Gain 1 PP each turn. Behind Mr. Mackey's desk (unlocked with the Silver Key), hidden from view
7 South Park Cows Patch Gain 3 PP each turn. Inside the air vent in South Park Elementary. Requires Alien Probe
13 Dairy Council Patch Gain 5 PP each turn. Gnome tunnel in Clyde's fortress
Rangedpatch
Ranged Fighter
4 Arrow Patch Ranged attacks do 5 more damage. Kitchen cabinet in Jimmy's House
8 Valkyrie Patch Ranged attacks do 40 more damage. Underneath South Park, before the ladder to the Sewers. Requires Alien Probe
11 Elven Archer Patch Ranged attacks do 80 more damage. King's Forest in Kyle's House. Requires Gnome Dust
13 Ranger Patch Ranged attacks do 100 more damage. Inside the church of Banff, Canada
Blessed 11 Jesus Loves Me Patch Gain Rebirth at the start of combat. Water pipe near the dead soldier holding a grenade in Unplanned Parenthood
Healing patch
Healer's Balm
3 Healer's Patch Regain 25 extra HP when healed. Drawer in the janitor closet of South Park Elementary
10 Socialized Medicine Patch Regain 100 extra HP when healed. Bought from the merchant in Banff, Canada
14 Purple Heart Badge Regain 250 extra HP when healed. Loot from ManBearPig after defeating him
Regeneration patch
Regeneration
4 Bubble Gum Wrapper Heal 5 HP each turn in combat. Loot from the Hallway Monitor Boss after defeating him
6 Candy Bar Wrapper Heal 25 HP each turn in combat. Bought from Jason in the Elven Kingdom
9 Rock Candy Wrapper Heal 50 HP each turn in combat. Bag in the South Park Elementary basement, after defeating the first set of Nazi Zombie Gingers
12 Golden Ticket Heal 100 HP each turn in combat. Bag behind the desk in South Park Bank. Requires Gnome Dust
Thorns patch
Thorns
2 Studded Dog Collar Melee-attacking enemies take up to 10 damage. Reward from Jimbo for defeating the Rabid Junkyard Dog
8 Thorny Branch Melee-attacking enemies take up to 25 damage. Bought from Jason in the Elven Kingdom
12 Demon Claw Melee-attacking enemies take up to 75 damage. Bought from the merchant in Banff, Canada
14 Barbed Wire Melee-attacking enemies take up to 200 damage. Reward for collecting all 30 Chinpokomon
Vengeance patch
Vengeance
8 ManBearPig Ear Deal 15% more damage when below 25% health. Loot from Al Gore after defeating him
11 White Whale Patch Deal 20% more damage when below 25% health. Chest in Jimbo's Guns. Requires the key from completing Big Game Huntin' With Jimbo
14 Six-fingered Hand Patch Deal 30% more damage when below 25% health. Bought from the merchant in Clyde's Fortress

  

Ewww... Edit

  • Moldy Patch -
  • Fungus Patch - Mr. Slave's Ass (Loot from bacteria just past the Phone)

Life Drain Edit

  • Ghost Patch - In the Church. Inside Father Maxi's room, the cabinet on the left.
  • ManBearPig Hoof - Looted from Al Gore after defeating him.
  • Prenuptial Document - At the Pleases and Sparkles Club.

Brutish Edit

  • Axe Patch -
  • Katana Patch - In the crack at City Sushi (requires gnome dust)

Lonely Edit

  • Mace Patch - 
  • Fencing Patch - South Park Gazette (Requires Gnome Dust)

Melee Fighter Edit

  • Duelist's Patch - Near the house to the left of the community center.
  • Pentagram Patch - Taco Bell (Loot from first Nazi Zombie)
  • Iron Skewers -
  • Barbarian Patch - Canada (Caverns of Quebec, looted from the six dire animals)

Ranged Edit

  • Arrow Patch - Jimmy's House (Kitchen)
  • Quiver Patch - 
  • Fingerless Glove Patch - 
  • Valkyrie Patch - Sewers (Near the beginning.)
  • Elven Archer Patch - 
  • Gauntlet Patch - Tweek Bros. Coffee (Outside, under the bench. Requires Gnome Dust.)
  • Crossbow Patch - inside the barn (Use Gnome Dust)
  • Ranger Patch - Banff (the chest on the right side of the church)

Bzzzt! Edit

  • Circuit Patch - Stark's Pond (Sunken UFO, requires probe)
  • Jellyfish Patch - Crab People Cave (Chest. Requires Nagasaki)

Ability Damage Edit

  • Weightlifting Patch - Abilities do 10% more damage. Level 6 
  • Superhero Patch - Clyde's Fortress (Heal Wendy BEFORE destroying the gargoyles)

Armor Edit

  • Suit of Armor Patch -
  • Alien Defensive Matrix - 
  • Samurai Warrior Patch - Police station Roof
  • Exoskeleton Patch - Crab People cave (Right side.)
  • Self Defense Patch - In the crack at City Sushi (requires gnome dust)
  • Tactical Armor Pad - Mr. Slave's Ass (Loot from a SWAT soldier)

Bulky Edit

  • Elvish Loyalty Patch - Elven Kingdom (Near the base of the tree.)
  • Miner's Patch - Your room (Loot from underpants gnome during Defeat the Underpants Gnomes.)
  • Brown Badge of Courage - Mr. Slave's Ass (Stomach)
  • Tactical Armor Patch -

Fan the Flames Edit

  • Flame Patch - In the School. From KO´ed elf with basketball go right and destroy the plank. 
  • Ghost Pepper - Mr. Slave's Ass (Chest just past the flashlight)

Frost Edit

  • Snowball Patch - South Park Elementary (In the vent area. Requires probe)
  • Avalanche Awareness Patch - South Park Elementary (Outside, on the left, near the woods. Use gnome dust to shrink down and go into the log.)

Full of PP! Edit

  • Daywalker's Patch - South Park Elementary (Loot from one of the gingers in the basement)
  • Federation Patch - Kevin Stoley's house (Parent's bedroom)

Magnets Edit

  • Buckyball Magnets -
  • Small Magnet - Kyle's house (Garage.)

Surge Edit

  • Bow and Arrow Patch - Jimmy's House (Attic)
  • Cheerleader's Patch - In Mr. Makey's office at the school. Behind the desk.  
  • Flaming Sword Patch - Tower of Peace (2nd floor, requires key from same floor)
  • Action Hero Badge - Movie Theater
  • Shard of a Beer Bottle - Street merchant
  • Shit-stained Badge - Outside Kenny's house
  • Red Cross Badge - Storage center roof
  • Cross Swords Patch -
  • Snowflake Patch - On top of Photo Dojo (Requires probe)
  • Amazon Patch - 
  • Sword Patch - South Park Elementary (Loot from Stan, if you sided with the Humans)
  • Boxing Badge - South Park Elementary (Loot from a foe at the fire hose, in the cafeteria)
  • South Park Cows Patch - South Park Elementary (In the vent area. Requires probe.)
  • Battery Label - South Park Elementary (Basement)
  • Burning Skull Patch - 
  • Sword and Shield Patch - 
  • Don't Tread on Me Patch - Your parent's dresser during Defeat the Underpants Gnomes.
  • Mr. Yuck Patch -
  • Frozen Skull Patch - 
  • High Voltage Warning Label -
  • Ankh Pendant - 
  • Dairy Council Patch - Clyde's fortress (Gnome tunnel)

Blessed Edit

  • Jesus Loves Me Patch - Unplanned Parenthood (pipe near the dead soldier with the grenade)

Healer's Balm Edit

  • Healer's Patch - 
  • Socialized Medicine Patch - Banff General Store
  • Purple Heart Badge - 

Regeneration Edit

  • Bubble Gum Wrapper - South Park Elementary (Loot from ginger boss)
  • Candy Bar Wrapper -
  • Rock Candy Wrapper - South Park Elementary (First room of the basement)
  • Golden Ticket - South Park Bank (Use Gnome Dust and go through the hole behind the desk.)

Thorns Edit

  • Studded Dog Collar - reward for killing the dog as part of the Big Game Hunter quest
  • Thorny Branch - 
  • Demon Claw - Banff General Store
  • Barbed Wire Patch - reward for collecting all 30 Chinpokomon 

Vengeance Edit

  • ManBearPig Ear - 
  • White Whale Patch - Jimbo's Chest (after completing his quest) 
  • Six-Fingered Hand Patch - Clyde's Fortress (Shop)

Battle Rage Edit

  • Berserker Patch - Clyde's Fortress (Ground level, the chest right at the entrance)

Cautious Edit

  • Turtle Patch - Jimbo's Chest (after completing his quest) 
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