Patches are optional, but incredibly useful things that players can add onto armor and weapons to give a variety of effects.
Below is a list of patches, organized by their effects. Missable patches are bolded .
Weapon Strap-Ons Fire Damage
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Lit Match
Adds 10 Fire Damage on Perfect Attack.
3
Kupa Keep (Shop)
Zippo Lighter
Adds 25 Fire Damage on Perfect Attack.
7
Loot from one of the 6th graders fought during Nonconformist
Small Butane Torch
Adds 50 Fire Damage on Perfect Attack.
9
Sewers (Near Simon )
Brimstone
Adds 100 Fire Damage on Perfect Attack.
13
Clyde's Fortress (looted from Craig )
Frost Damage
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Ice Cube
25 Frost Damage on Perfect Attack.
6
Kyle's House (Fridge)
Moon Rock
Adds 50 Frost Damage on Perfect Attack.
8
Taco Bell (Truck outside building)
Frozen Maple Syrup
Adds 100 Frost Damage on Perfect Attack.
12
Canada (chest across the river on main map)
Gross Damage
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Dead Bird
Adds 5 Gross Damage on Perfect Attack.
2
Street Merchant
Tuft of Ginger Pubic Hair
Adds 20 Gross Damage on Perfect Attack.
4
South Park Elementary (Loot from the first ginger you fight)
Animal Testicle
Adds 30 Gross Damage on Perfect Attack.
6
Get from Jimbo as a reward for defeating Penis Mouse
Zombie Flesh
Adds 50 Gross Damage on Perfect Attack.
8
South Park Elementary (Loot from one of the Nazi Zombie gingers in the basement)
Wad of Liposuction Fat
Adds 100 Gross Damage on Perfect Attack.
11
Unplanned Parenthood (First destroyed hallway you enter, near the Waste Disposal sign)
Shock Damage
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Lightning Sticker
Adds 10 Shock Damage on Perfect Attack.
3
Kupa Keep (Shop)
Alien Energy Crystal
Adds 15 Shock Damage on Perfect Attack.
5
Alien Spaceship (Chest in the console room on the lower right side)
Small Battery
Adds 25 Shock Damage on Perfect Attack.
6
Mr Mackey's PO box. (Must have key.)
Tesla Coil
Adds 50 Shock Damage on Perfect Attack.
8
Taco Bell (Room with recorder, right cabinet)
Lightning Rod
Adds 100 Shock Damage on Perfect Attack.
13
Acquired in Clyde's Tower, from one of the enemies called a Cyclops
Bleeding
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Toothpick
Adds 1 Bleeding on Perfect Attack.
2
Street Merchant
Drill Bit
Adds 2 Bleeding on Perfect Attack.
7
South Park Elementary (Fifth Grade Classroom)
IV Needle
Adds 3 Bleeding on Perfect Attack.
11
Unplanned Parenthood (Drawer in the hallway by the Records Room)
Bayonette
Adds 5 Bleeding on Perfect Attack.
14
Clyde's Fortress (Shop)
Damage Increase (Constant)
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Skull Sticker
Adds 5 damage to weapon attacks.
2
Police Station Locker
Demon Sticker
Adds 20 damage to weapon attacks.
6
Police Station Roof
Roll of Quarters
Adds 50 damage to weapon attacks.
8
Elven Kingdom (Shop)
Wooden Grip
Adds 80 damage to weapon attacks.
10
Token's House (Chest inside the chimney)
Metal Grip
Adds 100 damage to weapon attacks.
12
South Park Bus Stop (Secret area behind a tree. Use Gnome Dust to go under the log when there.)
Rubber Grip
Adds 250 damage to weapon attacks.
14
Canada (Ottawa Goods and Supplies)
Damage Increase (Percentage)
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Glass Shard
Adds 10% damage on Perfect Attack.
3
South Park Elementary (Brass Key room. Loot from one of the gingers.)
Shattered Anal Probe
Adds 15% damage on Perfect Attack.
5
Alien Spaceship (Upper right section of probing maintenance. Requires probe)
Razor Blade
Adds 20% damage on Perfect Attack.
7
Obsidian Shard
Adds 30% damage on Perfect Attack.
11
Get from Jimbo as a reward for defeating Canadian Barking Spider
Wire Hangar
Adds 35% damage on Perfect Attack.
12
Unplanned Parenthood (room where Randy is)
Broken Saw Blade
Adds 40% damage on Perfect Attack.
13
Under table of the shop in Clyde's Fortress (requires gnome dust)
Drain Life
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Cult Pamphlet
Drain up to 25 HP from bleeding targets.
5
Kupa Keep (Shop)
Plastic Vampire Teeth
Drain up to 50 HP from bleeding targets.
8
Get from Jimbo as a reward for defeating Bloodsucking Fruit Bat
Grave Dirt
Drain up to 100 HP from bleeding targets.
12
East of Big Gay Al's/Mr. Slave's house (In the garage that doesn't open all the way. Requires Gnome Dust.)
Hot Topic Catalog
Drain up to 250 HP from bleeding targets.
14
Clyde's Fortress (Shop)
Armor Piercing
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Small Needle
Attacks ignore up to 5 armor.
2
Jimmy's House (Basement, in the washer.)
Small Nail
Attacks ignore up to 30 armor.
6
Bought from Jason in the Elven Kingdom
Chef's Skewer
Attacks ignore up to 60 armor.
7
South Park Elementary (Behind serving counter, on the right side of the kitchen. Check the cabinet)
Gnome Pickaxe Head
Attacks ignore up to 100 armor.
10
Wall inside your house during Defeat the Underpants Gnomes (In the second wall area, to the far left.)
Dire Bear Claw Keychain
Attacks ignore up to 200 armor.
12
Canada (Winnipeg Block and Tackle)
Shard of the Dark Lord's Crown
Attacks ignore up to 400 armor.
14
Clyde's Fortress (the level where Ike is, chest on the left side)
Blocking
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Wooden Crossguard
Deflect 10% more damage when you block.
2
Jimmy's House (Upstairs hallway)
Iron Crossguard
Deflect 15% more damage when you block.
6
Bought from Jimbo for $5
Wooden Hilt
Deflect 20% more damage when you block.
10
Bought from Jimbo for $10
Iron Hilt
Deflect 25% more damage when you block.
13
Bought from Jimbo for $20
Shield Smash
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Small Shield Sticker
Attacks remove an additional 1 from shields.
2
Jimmy's Garage
Large Shield Sticker
Attacks remove an additional 3 from shields.
7
Bought from Mr. Mackey for $5
Broken Shield Sticker
Attacks remove an additional 5 from shields.
12
Canada (Vancouver's Everything's Coming Up Maple)
Gain Power Points
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Sparkly Heart Sticker
Gain 1 PP on Perfect Attack.
3
Jimmy's House (Jimmy's parents' nightstand)
Sparkly Star Sticker
Gain 2 PP on Perfect Attack.
7
Sparkly Unicorn Sticker
Gain 4 PP on Perfect Attack.
11
Get 100000 points in the makeover before Unplanned Parenthood (Quest) .
Daze
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Bottle of Eau de Maple Syrup
Target attacks less frequently.
12
Bonus HP
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Fortitude Patch
Gain 20% bonus HP after a magic attack.
12
Canada (Winnipeg Block and Tackle)
Multihit
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Ninja Sticker
Adds 1 extra hit to melee weapons.
9
Fourth Grade Classroom, looted from a chest.
Power Hit
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
5lb. Weight
Increases Power Attack damage for melee weapons.
8
Destroy Armor
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Jewpacabra Claw
Reduces target's armor by 100 on Perfect Attack
14
Clyde's Fortress (Ground level, Terrance and Phillip backpack)
Reduce Defense
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Page of Unfinished Homework
Reduces target's defenses on Perfect Attack
8
Community Center (Shop)
Reduce Attack
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Joy Buzzer
Lowers Enemy Attack on Perfect Strike
12
Found in a chest inside Ottawa Castle
Armor Patches Armor
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Suit of Armor Patch
Adds 5 armor, reducing enemy attacks.
1
Get from Jimbo as a reward for defeating Farm Cow
Alien Defensive Matrix
Adds 7 armor, reducing enemy attacks.
4
Alien Spaceship (Upper section of probing maintenance, in a chest)
Samurai Warrior Patch
Adds 10 armor, reducing enemy attacks.
5
Police Station (roof)
Exoskeleton Patch
Adds 15 armor, reducing enemy attacks.
7
Crab People cave (Right side)
Self Defense Patch
Adds 25 armor, reducing enemy attacks.
10
In the crack at City Sushi (requires gnome dust)
Tactical Armor Pad
Adds 40 armor, reducing enemy attacks.
14
Mr. Slave's Ass (Loot from a SWAT soldier)
Constant Surge
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Cheerleader's Patch
Gain 1 PP each turn.
3
Mr. Mackey's office, behind the desk. During Detention Sentence
South Park Cows Patch
Gain 3 PP each turn.
7
South Park Elementary (In the vent area. Requires probe.)
Dairy Council Patch
Gain 5 PP each turn.
13
Clyde's fortress (Gnome tunnel)
Melee Surge
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Shard of a Beer Bottle
Gain 1 PP when you deal a melee attack.
3
Street Merchant
Sword Patch
Gain 2 PP when you deal a melee attack.
7
Looted from Stan or Butters at South Park Elementary
Ranged Surge
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Bow and Arrow Patch
Gain 1 PP when you deal a ranged attack.
3
Jimmy's House (Attic)
Amazon Patch
Gain 2 PP when you deal a ranged attack.
7
Killing Surge
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Action Hero Badge
Gain 2 PP when you kill an opponent.
3
Movie Theater
Boxing Badge
Gain 5 PP when you kill an opponent.
7
South Park Elementary (Loot from a foe at the fire hose, in the cafeteria)
Defensive Surge
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Crossed Swords Patch
Gain 1 PP when you block an attack.
6
Kupa Keep (shop)
Sword and Shield Patch
Gain 2 PP when you block an attack.
10
Bought from Jimbo for $10
Suffering (Taking Damage Surge)
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Don't Tread on Me Patch
Gain 1 PP when you take damage.
10
Your parents' dresser during Defeat the Underpants Gnomes
Ankh Pendant
Gain 2 PP when you take damage.
13
Healing Surge
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Red Cross Badge
Gain 1 PP when healed.
4
U-Stor-It (roof)
Fiery Surge
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Flaming Sword Patch
Gain 2 PP when you deal fire damage.
3
Tower of Peace (2nd floor, requires key from same floor)
Burning Skull Patch
Gain 5 PP when you deal fire damage.
10
In South Park Sewers (Use Gnome Dust and go through the hole)
Freezing Surge
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Snowflake Patch
Gain 2 PP when you deal frost damage.
6
On top of Photo Dojo (Requires probe)
Frozen Skull Patch
Gain 5 PP when you deal frost damage.
12
Shocking Surge
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Battery Label
Gain 1 PP when you deal shock damage.
8
South Park Elementary (Basement)
High Voltage Warning Label
Gain 3 PP when you deal shock damage.
12
Photo Dojo (when you get your picture taken)
Disgusting Surge
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Shit-Stained Badge
Gain 2 PP when you deal gross damage.
4
Chest outside Kenny's house (to the right of the garage)
Mr. Yuck Patch
Gain 5 PP when you deal gross damage.
11
Get from Jimbo as a reward for defeating Mutant Bacteria
Melee Damage Increase
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Duelist's Patch
Melee attacks inflict 10 more damage.
4
Near the house to the right of the community center
Pentagram Patch
Melee attacks inflict 50 more damage.
8
Taco Bell (Loot from first Nazi Zombie)
Iron Skewers
Melee attacks inflict 100 more damage.
11
South Park Elementary Kitchen (get Chef's P.O. box key)
Barbarian Patch
Melee attacks inflict 200 more damage.
13
Canada (Caverns of Quebec, looted from the six dire animals)
Regeneration
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Bubble Gum Wrapper
Heal 5 HP each turn in combat.
4
South Park Elementary (Loot from ginger boss)
Candy Bar Wrapper
Heal 25 HP each turn in combat.
6
Bought from Jason in the Elven Kingdom for $5
Rock Candy Wrapper
Heal 50 HP each turn in combat.
9
South Park Elementary (First room of the basement)
Golden Ticket
Heal 100 HP each turn in combat.
12
South Park Bank (Use Gnome Dust and go through the hole behind the desk
Ranged Damage Increase
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Arrow Patch
Ranged Attacks do 5 more damage.
4
Jimmy's House (Kitchen)
Valkyrie Patch
Ranged Attacks do 40 more damage.
8
Sewers (Near the beginning)
Elven Archer Patch
Ranged Attacks do 80 more damage.
12
King's Forest in Kyle's backyard (gnome dust needed)
Ranger Patch
Ranged Attacks do 100 more damage.
14
Banff (the chest on the right side of the church)
Thorns
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Studded Dog Collar
Melee-attacking enemies take up to 10 damage.
2
Get from Jimbo as a reward for defeating Rabid Junkyard Dog
Thorny Branch
Melee-attacking enemies take up to 25 damage.
8
Bought from Jason in the Elven Kingdom for $5
Demon Claw
Melee-attacking enemies take up to 75 damage.
12
Banff General Store
Increase Max HP
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Elvish Loyalty Patch
Increases max HP by 5%.
6
Elven Kingdom (Near the base of the tree.)
Miner's Patch
Increases max HP by 10%.
10
Your room (Loot from underpants gnome during Defeat the Underpants Gnomes .)
Brown Badge of Courage
Increases max HP by 15%.
13
Mr. Slave's Ass (Stomach)
Less Health, More Damage
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
ManBearPig Ear
Deal 15% more damage when below 20% health.
8
Al Gore after un-friending
White Whale Patch
Deal 20% more damage when below 20% health.
11
Chest in Jimbo's
Six-Fingered Hand Patch
Deal 30% more damage when below 20% health.
14
Clyde's Fortress (Shop)
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Healer's Patch
Regain 25 extra HP when healed.
3
Janitor closet in school
Socialized Medicine Patch
Regain 100 extra HP when healed.
10
Banff General Store
Purple Heart Badge
Regain 250 extra HP when healed.
14
Loot from ManBearPig during "Defeat ManBearPig"
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Buckyball Magnets
Gain 10% additional money.
3
Police station (Evidence room, chest on the right side)
Small Magnet
Gain 20% additional money.
7
Kyle's House (Garage)
Bow Damage TBA
Thrown Weapon Damage TBA
Picture
Name
Effect
Level
Location
Moldy Patch
Deal 10% more Gross Damage.
7
Kupa Keep (Shop)
Axe Patch
Deal 10% more 2-Handed Weapon damage.
7
Kupa Keep (Shop)
Crossed Swords Patch
Gain 1 PP when you block an attack.
6
Kupa Keep (Shop)
Equipment Patches Ewww... Moldy Patch -
Fungus Patch - Mr. Slave's Ass (Loot from bacteria just past the Phone) Life Drain Ghost Patch - In the Church. Inside Father Maxi's room, the cabinet on the left.
ManBearPig Hoof - Looted from Al Gore after defeating him.
Prenuptial Document - At the Pleases and Sparkles Club. Brutish Axe Patch -
Katana Patch - In the crack at City Sushi (requires gnome dust) Lonely Mace Patch -
Fencing Patch - South Park Gazette (Requires Gnome Dust) Melee Fighter Duelist's Patch - Near the house to the left of the community center.
Pentagram Patch - Taco Bell (Loot from first Nazi Zombie)
Iron Skewers -
Barbarian Patch - Canada (Caverns of Quebec, looted from the six dire animals) Ranged Arrow Patch - Jimmy's House (Kitchen)
Quiver Patch -
Fingerless Glove Patch -
Valkyrie Patch - Sewers (Near the beginning.)
Elven Archer Patch -
Gauntlet Patch - Tweek Bros. Coffee (Outside, under the bench. Requires Gnome Dust.)
Crossbow Patch - inside the barn (Use Gnome Dust)
Ranger Patch - Banff (the chest on the right side of the church) Bzzzt! Circuit Patch - Stark's Pond (Sunken UFO, requires probe)
Jellyfish Patch - Crab People Cave (Chest. Requires Nagasaki) Ability Damage Weightlifting Patch - Abilities do 10% more damage. Level 6
Superhero Patch - Clyde's Fortress (Heal Wendy BEFORE destroying the gargoyles) Armor Suit of Armor Patch -
Alien Defensive Matrix -
Samurai Warrior Patch - Police station Roof
Exoskeleton Patch - Crab People cave (Right side.)
Self Defense Patch - In the crack at City Sushi (requires gnome dust)
Tactical Armor Pad - Mr. Slave's Ass (Loot from a SWAT soldier) Bulky Elvish Loyalty Patch - Elven Kingdom (Near the base of the tree.)
Miner's Patch - Your room (Loot from underpants gnome during Defeat the Underpants Gnomes .)
Brown Badge of Courage - Mr. Slave's Ass (Stomach)
Tactical Armor Patch - Fan the Flames Flame Patch - In the School. From KO´ed elf with basketball go right and destroy the plank.
Ghost Pepper - Mr. Slave's Ass (Chest just past the flashlight) Frost Snowball Patch - South Park Elementary (In the vent area. Requires probe)
Avalanche Awareness Patch - South Park Elementary (Outside, on the left, near the woods. Use gnome dust to shrink down and go into the log.) Full of PP! Daywalker's Patch - South Park Elementary (Loot from one of the gingers in the basement)
Federation Patch - Kevin Stoley's house (Parent's bedroom) Magnets Buckyball Magnets -
Small Magnet - Kyle's house (Garage.) Surge Bow and Arrow Patch - Jimmy's House (Attic)
Cheerleader's Patch - In Mr. Makey's office at the school. Behind the desk.
Flaming Sword Patch - Tower of Peace (2nd floor, requires key from same floor)
Action Hero Badge - Movie Theater
Shard of a Beer Bottle - Street merchant
Shit-stained Badge - Outside Kenny's house
Red Cross Badge - Storage center roof
Cross Swords Patch -
Snowflake Patch - On top of Photo Dojo (Requires probe)
Amazon Patch -
Sword Patch - South Park Elementary (Loot from Stan, if you sided with the Humans)
Boxing Badge - South Park Elementary (Loot from a foe at the fire hose, in the cafeteria)
South Park Cows Patch - South Park Elementary (In the vent area. Requires probe.)
Battery Label - South Park Elementary (Basement)
Burning Skull Patch -
Sword and Shield Patch -
Don't Tread on Me Patch - Your parent's dresser during Defeat the Underpants Gnomes .
Mr. Yuck Patch -
Frozen Skull Patch -
High Voltage Warning Label -
Ankh Pendant -
Dairy Council Patch - Clyde's fortress (Gnome tunnel) Blessed Jesus Loves Me Patch - Unplanned Parenthood (pipe near the dead soldier with the grenade) Healer's Balm Healer's Patch -
Socialized Medicine Patch - Banff General Store
Purple Heart Badge - Regeneration Bubble Gum Wrapper - South Park Elementary (Loot from ginger boss)
Candy Bar Wrapper -
Rock Candy Wrapper - South Park Elementary (First room of the basement)
Golden Ticket - South Park Bank (Use Gnome Dust and go through the hole behind the desk.) Thorns Studded Dog Collar - reward for killing the dog as part of the Big Game Hunter quest
Thorny Branch -
Demon Claw - Banff General Store
Barbed Wire Patch - reward for collecting all 30 Chinpokomon Vengeance ManBearPig Ear -
White Whale Patch - Jimbo's Chest (after completing his quest)
Six-Fingered Hand Patch - Clyde's Fortress (Shop) Battle Rage Berserker Patch - Clyde's Fortress (Ground level, the chest right at the entrance) Cautious Turtle Patch - Jimbo's Chest (after completing his quest) 
